Daily I swear Ibecome more and more sucidal, but i'm not an idiot and unless the circumstnces were perfect, I wouldn't allow myself to, but seriously It's like one day, I woke up and realized I was stupid, something I lways thoguht was literally impossible, its those things where you dont know if its true or not but becaue everyone is always telling you the fact, you end up believeing it, well fuck i wish they wouldn't I saved myself from this misery until know by never doing any work, by not doing my work i gave myself an excuse for my inadequacies, I feel so frustrated, this calc II just is nasty, and the more more and harder and harder I study the more it seems like im doomed tofail, ive never failed before, never and this is a shock, and the sick thign is that im trying and trying and nothing seems to work, with or witout help i end up with the same damn F it just hurts me so bad that im stupid and now that i ralize it, i know that the pzth that i thought that i had chosen for myself is all wrong becausethat path needs immense inrtelligence none of which i seem to have!!!!!! which means that if ijm gonna fail mine as well fail the shit out of it and become a burger flipper for the rest of my life!!!! I JUST FEEL so helpless, i cant change my intelligence and im trying! i really am, why the hell is this happening now! I feel so ashamed...